In ballet, there is usually a story behind the dance. Whether it be Swan Lake, Giselle, or Coppelia, the dancers in ballet are given clear characters which they should emulate and act. You always know exactly who you are and what your motive is, and that is what drives your dance–every epaulement, every arm position, every step of the technique. The court jester does a pirouette quite differently from Odile, who does it quite differently from the Arabian prince. It’s all very character-driven.

Since learning more of Roaratorio and especially my own particular jig, I’ve had to grapple with who I am when I dance. Even after having danced it several times, I still don’t really know who my character is, to be honest–or if there even is a character. The movements themselves don’t lend much help in this regard. Is the foot flick supposed to be flirty and fun, or more of a simple kick? Is the turn in attitude supposed to be smooth and graceful or strong and powerful? I don’t really know, nor can I discern from any of the group choreography that we’ve learned, either. I do feel like I’m dancing, but I’m not sure how I should be feeling about my dancing. It’s a similar dilemma that I faced with the lack of music, except this time I’m not so sure if there is an answer or not.

When I watch older videos of the Cunningham Company performing, I try desperately to catch the expressions on the dancer’s faces. Are they smiling? Are they performing with intense facials? Serious? Calm? Angry? Ecstatic? Alas, the videos are from a distance and the quality is not clear enough so as to afford me much information about the dancer’s attitudes beyond their choreographic movements.

Therein lies the beauty; therein lies the rub. For the first time in my life, I am going to have to come up with my own character in dance. There is no choreographer telling me that Don Quixote should be danced lively and with spirit, no coach yelling at me to look more excited in a pom routine or sadder in jazz. The only hint that Cunningham left behind is simply the bare minimum of movement and choreography. As I continue searching for a character to dance in, I can only hope that I will do Roaratorio justice in the end.