As I watched Renee Robinson effortlessly transition between beautiful lines, a knot began to form in my gut. The section of Blues Suite that she was about to teach us was extremely technical and I was worried.
Growing up, I actively avoided ballet. Ask any dancer and they will tell you that this is not a very good strategy. A solid technical foundation will serve you well in almost every style.
It took we a while to find my niche in the dance world, but I eventually did. I never saw Asian dancers, my short athletic build is not the idealized dancer body, and my flexibility is severely lacking. My feet are flat. My turn out is minimal. Yet some how I made do. In high school I was introduced to modern dance and explored a lot of experimental and pedestrian-based movement. I realized that dancing is so much more than high kicks and many turns, its about musicality, movement quality, and expression. Most importantly, it’s about feeling good.
Against all odds, “Inheriting Ailey” makes me feel good.
On top of feeling self conscious about my flexibility and balance (which comes and goes), listening to the rich cultural context of the Ailey Company during the symposium made me question how I fit into a narrative that celebrates and honors African American history. Is this ballet for me? How in the world will I be able to do this piece justice with neither the strong technique nor cultural understanding? How can I follow in the footsteps of megastars in the dance world?
And yet, performing the piece makes me feel beautiful. Renee has a talent for making every dancer feel valued. Her confidence in my ability has heightened my confidence in myself. Furthermore, focusing my energy into musicality, movement quality, and expression has produced work that I am proud of. I have found that when I am able fit into the pockets of the music and am able to add layers of texture and emotion to the movement, my body not only performs but also communicates.
While this project is exploring inheritance, diversity, beauty, and love individually, it is also unintentionally spurring their interrelation. By inheriting love, I have found beauty in my diversity. As tiring and challenging as the work is, it makes me feel. And that feeling is good.