My very first impression of Gaga actually wasn’t in this workshop. I had come across it while taking a class on experimental writing and performance. We went to see Sadeh21, choreographed by Gaga’s creator, Ohad Naharin. When I first saw it, I remember thinking: this is not your average professional dance company. The athleticism is astounding, the lines impeccable, and the musicality breathtaking, but it looks nothing like any other dance I have ever seen in my life. There is a sense of spontaneity to it. The dancers bravely play on the margins of danger. They seem to take things a bit farther, completely unafraid of falling. In fact, at the very end of the performance, the dancers one-by-one fall behind a screen as the credits roll. The act of falling takes different shapes: a cannonball into a kiddie pool or a limp drop, your body turned slightly by gravity’s affinity for your good side. The fall can be shared, lovers falling away from each other, yet still holding hands. Your can leap majestically into the air as you fall to the heights.

As I started these rehearsals, I felt like so much of the pressure of dancing was taken out of the equation. It was not about getting the moves “right.” It was not about looking a certain way and following a prescribed technique. It was about listening to your body, allowing your body to be available for the impulses that you feel. It truly is about finding your own groove. As one of the dancers in the group who has had less technical dance training, I actually think that I have an easier time at points, because I haven’t been taught to move my body in a regimented way. I’m used to dancing at parties, feeling the groove of the music and changing it up. My friends and I dance casually and often, never forgetting to involve the pelvis, the pika and the lena, even though I didn’t know we were using them.

I feel Saar pushing us towards this spontaneity, reminding us to not be afraid of falling. Perhaps it is the falling itself that can be beautiful. We often try to let go. We use our engines from far-off places in our body. We yield to different parts of our body and allow our limbs and appendages to extend and become bigger than they are. We don’t stop, but always keep pushing. Our joints are balls, our legs trunks and there is an invisible thread that runs from hand to hand through our chest. At times, I find myself overwhelmed trying to think of all these different images and terms, but then I just remember to follow what my body wants to do and focus on being present. When dancing Gaga, I feel my body open up to all of the possibilities of movement. I feel less constrained. It is encouraged to “fuck it up.” It is encouraged to be a “crazy motherfucker.” There is pleasure in pain and beauty in your inner demons. Gaga is about letting go and truly feeling free.